Trump Admin Crushes Katy Perry with the Cold, Hard Truth About Her 'Astronaut' Status

If you’re the type who’s happily forgotten about second-tier pop stars once their chart-topping days are behind them, you probably weren’t thrilled to find Katy Perry popping back into your awareness last week.

Personally, I was a little annoyed myself; I’d successfully cleared out the tiny mental compartment that used to hold the chorus to “Teenage Dream” and my past confusion over why “California Gurls” [sic] weren’t simply “fine, fresh [and] fierce,” as Perry once sang in her 2010 summer anthem—but instead had to be “undeniable.”

I’ve chatted with plenty of Californians, both pre- and post-release of that track, and not one has ever insisted, “Don’t let that ridiculous pop singer fool you—there aren’t any women in this state! Totally deniable! It’s just dudes as far as the eye can see!” This was never exactly an issue demanding urgent clarification.

Yet here we are again, that small part of my brain now reoccupied, because Perry, 40, has found herself back in the headlines—this time for becoming an “astronaut,” courtesy of a friend whose boyfriend owns a shiny rocket.

Perry joined five other women for an 11-minute Blue Origin space tourism jaunt, which was widely promoted as the first all-female crew to enter the great unknown.

Of course, Perry was the most recognizable—and arguably the most ridiculous—of the “astronauts” aboard the New Shepard capsule. The others? Gayle King (CBS anchor), Lauren Sánchez (Jeff Bezos’ girlfriend), Kerianne Flynn (meh), Aisha Bowe (ditto), and Amanda Nguyễn (same energy).

Blue Origin, Jeff Bezos’ not-quite-SpaceX, pitched the mission as a historic achievement, complete with media fanfare. But it wasn’t just the rest of us raising eyebrows at Perry & Co.—even the Trump administration chimed in, making it clear that when Blue Origin called them “astronauts,” there should be massive air-quotes around the term.

And for those who missed why all this is so absurd, let’s allow Perry herself to spell it out:

She said she felt connected to the “strong divine feminine” in a way that neither her meditative practices nor the Hoffman Process—a spiritual self-help retreat that combines Eastern philosophy, gestalt therapy, and group sharing in a format that makes places like Esalen seem clinical—had ever given her.

That experience, by the way, came at the low, low cost of a few hundred thousand dollars and around 50 tons of indirect carbon emissions before the rocket even left the launch pad.

Couldn’t she have just booked an ayahuasca retreat?

Naturally, the backlash was immediate. Gayle King was especially miffed, arguing that it downplayed the crew’s experience to call it merely “a ride”:

However, as Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy noted, well, that’s kind of what it was—which is exactly why the “astronaut” label doesn’t stick:

“The U.S. commercial space industry is an inspiring project which showcases American ingenuity and exceptionalism,” Duffy wrote in a post on Thursday.

“But the last FAA guidelines under the Commercial Space Astronaut Wings Program were clear: Crewmembers who travel into space must have ‘demonstrated activities during flight that were essential to public safety, or contributed to human space flight safety.’”

“The crew who flew to space this week on an automated flight by Blue Origin were brave and glam, but you cannot identify as an astronaut. They do not meet the FAA astronaut criteria.”

Translation: Being an astronaut requires either piloting the vehicle, conducting scientific work, or engaging in tasks that contribute meaningfully to the mission. Simply strapping in and going for a ride doesn’t cut it. The same way walking through a hospital doesn’t make you a doctor, hitching a ride into orbit doesn’t make you an astronaut. And no, aligning with the “strong divine feminine” doesn’t count either.

Sure, it’s a neat anecdote—if still no one’s explained what exactly made the “California Gurls” “undeniable.” But hey, six women went on one of the most exclusive rides this planet has to offer and came back with stories.

Astronauts, though? Let’s not get carried away.